Online Dating

Benefits of Online Dating for fibromyalgia sufferersOnline dating is an encouraged option for singles with Fibromyalgia.  Because the condition often makes it difficult to be involved incommunal activities, dating options can be limited.  Finding love is an important aspect in anyone’s life, and in many people’s, their number one goal.  Love promotes the release of dopamine into the brain.  This is an important “feel-good” chemical for anyone and extremely beneficial for Fibromyalgia sufferers.  Dopamine not only lifts your spirits, but it plays a large role in reducing pain!  Those with Fibro tend to have a dopamine deficiency, thus, promoting the releases of this chemical into the brain, can actually reduce symptoms.  Meeting new people is the perfect, long lasting, natural stimulant.  No need to seclude yourself from what love/relationships and meeting new people can provide, when there are plenty of options online.  

Recommended online dating sites:

eHarmony
eHarmony was founded in 2000 and states that 239 people a day, who have met through their service, marry.  They have several substancial plusses, including a comprehensive “quiz” of sorts, that genuinely helps members to more efficiently meet their match.  After the form is filled out, the members will be recommended certain profiles of other individuals who seem to be a match.  You’re free to pick and choose who you communicate with,  whether they’re a recommended match or not. Generally, the users of this website are serious about finding the right person for themselves, and a quality relationship.  The set up is extremely easy and takes you step by step through the process.  The few minutes spent on filling out the profile information and match forms, are well worth it, as they tend to have a great success rate.  The eHarmony community tends to be very active, with thousands of members joining every day (increasing chances of finding the right one).  

In Short:
 Profile matching, Quality members/Many members, Free to sign up and browse, High success rate, Good customer service

 

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Tangowire
Tangowire is a great option because they cater to a broad audience.  There are specific sections for gay, lesbian, straight, seniors, single parents and military personals. This division makes finding what you’re looking for, uncomplicated.  At Tangowire, you have the option to send and receive “smiles” (pre-written text) to other members, to let them know that you’re interested.  From time to time, they tend to have promotions where a free email can be sent and received as well.  They review profiles and weed out fakes, so you’re able to feel safe with them.  Despite the fact that they are not quite as well known, the service has been around for a good while and provides plenty of singles. 

In short:  Offers specific like-minded dating categories, free limited interactions, free to sign up and browse, quality customer support

Links:


Online Dating Guidelines

If you see something that interests you, don’t hold back
The beauty of online dating is that you’re free to have more courage than you normally may, in person.  No excuse to be shy! There is no harm in dropping an e-mail to someone you find interesting.  Stay away from anything along the lines of “I’m probably not your type, but”… Confidence is absolutely everything in first impressions, and online is no exception.  If you don’t hear back, chalk it up to them not having a paid account, or having met someone already (there’s also no harm in taking that method) and move on to the next cute girl or guy you have your eye on.  As bad as it sounds, online dating is like flipping through a clothing catalog… if one pair of shoes doesn’t match your outfit, another will, and there are PLENTY to choose from.  Not only that, others that you may not had come across, will approach you as well.  

Don’t be deceptive
“Looks aren’t everything”.  This is true, but being deceptive starts things off on the wrong foot.  Just as you don’t want someone posting pictures from 20 years ago to make it appear as if it is them in the present, other’s don’t either.  Nothing good will ever be started when deception has any role in it.  Post up a flattering, current picture or two.  If you don’t have your doctorate, don’t say (or imply) that you do, if you’re 5’4″ don’t say you’re 5’7″ (heels don’t count as YOUR height, laides!), etc.  Don’t say you work out 15 hours a day, when we know, if you’re on this website, that is *definitely* not true! Displaying integrity is going to save yourself a lot of time and energy.  There are going to be tons of people out there who will want to talk to exactly who you are.  When you hit it off with someone, they’ll want you even more for seeing how honest you were, when others might not be so direct.  Your genuine profile will attract the same.   

Interact
As with any dating situation, you want to engage others.  Make your profile interesting, without coming off cocky or self indulgent (tricky, I know).  More than anything, people are looking for someone genuine.  This is a reason a lot of people take to online dating.  As the times have changed, things tend to become more superficial and pretentious, and the fact of the matter is that no one REALLY wants that.   One word or one sentence responses aren’t going to cut it.  In “online language”, that sort of talk translates to “I’m not interested and my being short is another way of telling you to leave me alone”.  Come up with something to say, even if it’s something as generic as asking what they like to do for fun.  This gives your potential partner something to write back about, and if you’re really interested, you don’t want to let the conversation die.  

Get creative
As discussed in the previous topic, it’s important to keep the conversation going.  Remember, just as there are millions of people for you to pick out, the same goes everyone else on these websites.  If someone is worth contacting, it’s a good idea to be a little bit different in your approach.  Introduce yourself and let them know that from what you saw on their profile page, you’d be interested in getting to know them more.  Follow with a couple uncommon questions that may help you get to know what type of person they are.  You can use information within their profiles to help form relevant questions.  Briefly answers the questions yourself and let them know that it’s now their turn.   Make it fun, rather than quiz like, as no one wants to feel like they’re being interrogated or pried into so early on (ie. “I see you’re not interested in having kids. Why is that?”  “Why are you single?”  “Why haven’t you ever been married?”).  As mentioned, being online does allow for more courage, but it’s no excuse to ask anything that would seem inappropriate in person!  

No need to “lead with the disease”
As mentioned above, it’s important to be honest.  It’s a great idea to let those that you’re talking to, know that you lead a bit of a different lifestyle due to your Fibromyalgia symptoms.  It’s a HUGE part of the life of anyone with the condition, but it’s not a part of human nature to understand it right off the bat.  No stranger is going to want to be flooded with information about what you or anyone else is suffering from. That will all come in due time.  In the beginning stages, talk about what you enjoy, rather than what brings you down. It’s the same for anyone.  If one person just got laid off, which is a life changing and all-consuming event, a brand new potential partner is not going to want to hear about it to no end.  Part of keeping your condition from owning you, is concentrating on the positive aspects of life (as challenging as that may be at times-but you’ve been through it all and have gained the strength that comes with it!).  There’s a big personality inside of us all and it’s been there longer than FIbromyalgia has.  It still wants to have a major role in your life, so let it shine.  

Have fun dating

Have fun with it!
This little topic is especially for those with Fibromyalgia, as we tend to be a more emotionally sensitive “breed” (it’s all about those darn chemicals).  Online dating should be fun, first and foremost.  Don’t let some text, that may be taken out of context, hurt or bother you.  Everyone has different “languages” online, and because we can’t hear any tone of voice, we can’t be sure that what may seem like an insult, isn’t actually a compliment.  Many people on dating websites are not even familiar with the internet or interacting online, so it can be confusing for them.  There may be language barriers. For all you know, Mr./Mrs. Right’s first language isn’t English!  Don’t take anything too seriously online.  Make it a priority to enjoy yourself and keep in mind that you’re doing this to work towards improving your health and many of your symptoms.  

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